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Deep questions

 A deep question doesn’t ask about the facts of someone’s life but asks how they feel about it. In doing so, we learn who they are.
 
 And if we want to connect with them, we can reciprocate and share the same thing about ourselves with them.

3 key features

explore values, beliefs, and experiences

  1. A deep question asks about someone’s values, beliefs, judgments, or experiences—rather than just facts. Don’t ask “Where do you work?” Instead, draw out feelings or experiences: “What’s the best part of your job?” (One 2021 study found a simple approach to generating deep questions: Before speaking, imagine you’re talking to a close friend. What question would you ask?)

tap into emotions, not just opinions

  1. A deep question ==asks people to talk about how they feel. ==Sometimes this is easy: “How do you feel about …?” Or, we can prompt people to describe specific emotions: “Did it make you happy when …?” Or ask someone to analyze a situation’s emotions: “Why do you think he got angry?” Or empathize: “How would you feel if that happened to you?”

create a sense of shared connection

  1. Asking a deep question should feel like sharing. It should feel, a bit, like we’re revealing something about ourselves when we ask a deep question. This feeling might give us pause. But studies show people are nearly always happy to have been asked, and to have answered, a deep question.
    e.g. Instead of “What was your favorite trip?”, say: “I remember feeling a huge sense of freedom on my last trip. Have you ever had a travel experience like that?”

emotional
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